I know you are shocked that I could possibly find anything annoying about myself. I've had to rack my brians
for weeks, to come up with something!
1) I’m an annoyingly light sleeper. I hear everything
at night. This is annoying for me and annoying for my guests. If you are a guest in my house, I will be able to tell you in the morning:
- at what time you went to bed,
- whether you are a still or a restless sleeper,
- how many times you went to the toilet during the night,
- and probably what you did in there.
If I am a guest in your house, I will lie awake for hours identifying the new (to me) sounds, counting the patterns in your wall paper, and burning many expensive watts of electricity reading your favourite books. I will scare your children with my haggard face at breakfast. And when you politely enquire “Did you sleep well?”, I will invariably tell you truthfully that I slept badly, even though The Lovely Ms. Mac
taught me that it is rude to do so. I can’t help being honest. Truth will out! Also, I’m looking for sympathy.
2) I laugh too loudly and too long (and sometimes too early) at my own jokes. But come on! They are the best!
3) I always
flirt with my girlfriends’ husbands. I can’t help it! They are all so much more charming and communicative
than Mr Grumpy Evil Blackheart. It's hardly my fault that my girlfriends have such good taste in men.
4) I really love the tasty little burps that rise in the back of my throat, hours after eating really tasty or spicy food (the coriander, chilli and peanut flavours of my satay sauce for example). Obviously I am a Fairy Princess and do not allow the burps actual egress. I stifle them. They are very small.
I don’t mean I’m annoying for having the burps, but what’s probably annoying is that I’ll insist on telling you about them, if you are standing next to me at the time.
5) I’m not a good listener. If you try to monopolise the conversation because you need to purge yourself of a traumatic event, or some inner suffering, I will nod frequently and adopt a sympathetic face - somewhat at odds with my distant gaze - while wondering how we can turn the conversation back to ME