Today I took an exorbitantly good picnic (and warm sweaters) and my children into the forest. We walked and climbed for hours to get to our new favourite climbing rocks and scenic lookout point. My imaginary friend Séb was with us, and he was all "Wow Antipo, your ham, tomato, avocado, lettuce, mayonnaise, pink Himalayan rock salt and Australian lemon pepper sandwiches on fresh granary bread are really freakin' tasty!" and I was all "Oh thank you Séb darling, you know, cooking wonderful food is just a little hobby of mine. Now let me peel you a firm, but juicy, and sweet Comice pear and drop each slice sensuously into your mouth as you recline on this springy bed of fern branches I just happened to prepare earlier" and he was all "MMMMMMMMmmmmmm" and grateful and flashing his dark, expressive eyes at me...
I did a horrible, bitchy thing, so I'm a bit ashamed - but wait till you hear how funny it was. My son was getting on my wick with some whingey, babyish behaviour, and at one point he lay down across the hiking trail (along which the odd cyclist and horse rider sometimes pass). I told him to get up off the cold ground. He didn't, so my daughter and I kept walking. Fifty metres away, I turned and he was still lying there, so I screamed "Oh my God, get up quick! There's a wild boar hurtling towards you! You're going to be trampled! Hurrreeeeeeeeeeeee!"
Nasty, I know, but fuck! you should have seen how fast he leapt into the air in sheer terror and sprinted towards me like an Olympic champion, screaming and crying all the way. Jaysus, I know it was a horrible thing to do, but I laughed myself sick. I'm nastily chuckling to myself again as I type this. But as The Lovely Lettuce once memorably said, ‘What's the point in having children if you can't have a good laugh at their expense every now and then?’ It's almost worth the pain of labour, episiotomies and breast feeding.
Afterwards, walking home in the cold, the children and I (and Séb of course) broke into a jog through the forest to warm up,
so I'm feeling really great: all fresh aired and exercised. The hot bath I lay in for an hour this evening will hopefully prevent my poor thigh muscles from seizing up tomorrow. All in all, ‘twas an excellent day!