Dearest Alpine Maiden with Buns of Steel,
So I was walking to work in the wintry, clear blue air this morning, feeling all Robert Frost poetic-like in my appreciation of Mother Nature and her fab designer clothes, when a thought struck me.
Are you ready? It may lead to a task for you.
Why, when admiring the thick white layer of frost coating the grass and the ground in a miraculously even layer, was my eye drawn to an object covered in much longer, thicker ice crystals than are to be found on the rest of the ground?
The mystery object was of course a dog poo.
I really need you to find out what element it is in the biological or chemical composition of dog poo which causes the frost to form more thickly and lushly
than on the grass or concrete. This would really take a load off my mind and ease my suffering.
I know I can count on you. You being an expert in cold things and all.
Yours in a spirit of loving scientific enquiry,
P.S. Are you and Mr Mac planning on ravishing me very publicly in a Hot Threesome at The Lovely Doc
's house this weekend? Should I bring my school uniform and feather duster?