Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

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Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Bob and The Toilet Karma Theory

The Lovely Aussie Lass and I had the great honour of meeting Handsome Bob in Paris last week. He and two of his daughters jetted in all the way from the USA to meet us! In fact, I had been hoping for a Hot Date with him, and duly locked my children in their dungeon. But Bob had his two teenage appendages, and I had Aussie Lass, who elbowed her way in without even saying please, so we were extremely (overly) well chaperoned...

I’ve had a massive crush on Handsome Bob for a long time. Ms. Mac naturally wanted to hear all about it, but I can’t talk about him without going all smoooshy inside... Goddamn, every time he spoke to me he flashed his dimples at me! I defy any woman to resist. I always thought his blog very wholesome and “apple pie”, in an utterly charming way. However in person he has a very sly (and dirty!) sense of humour and is constantly teasing his girls. I got teased all day too, and kept falling for his subtle jokes. I didn't mind, I told him "Baby, you can tease any where, any time!" He comes across as quiet and self-contained, but is extremely confident. He's tall, dark and handsome, has beautiful hands, a distinguished beard, and I think I’ll just shut up now.

Laura and Katelyn, the appendages, had the most exquisite manners! I thought all teenagers were horrible, but they are very refined young ladies; so polite and not shy or sullen at all. We had a lot of fun conversation. Their lives are so interesting and I really enjoyed their company.

We strolled around the Latin Quarter and I got us lost because of my chatter, so I thrust the map at manly Handsome Bob and let him do the navigating. We had lunch at a New Zealand restaurant, Kiwi Corner, decorated with enough photos and Pacific style décor to make me very homesick indeed. I had crab cakes with wasabi mayonnaise (delish!) and hoki fish fillet with spicy pear chutney (fabulous). Handsome Bob chose raw tuna marinated in coconut milk and the hoki fillet. Katelyn had a kangaroo steak and LOVED it! Little Laura had a massive Aussie surf'n' turf: steak, fish and prawns all one one plate! It was good to see such an un-French meal like that. Handsome Bob is very knowledgeable about wine and chose a Sauvignon Blanc from Marlborough. He tried to educate me, but I just kept drowning in his gaze and couldn't concentrate at all!

Afterwards we walked all around the Jardin du Luxembourg, which was stunning, and offered plenty of shade from the blazing sun. My guests loved the Frenchness of the scenery and took beautiful photos. Handsome Bob loves flowers and was amazed at the huge lilacs and the shiny tulips, some of which were so dark purple they were nearly black. You can see literally hundreds of his and Laura’s photos on his Flickr account here.

Aussie Lass joined us for some shopping after work. I pouted a bit when she explained her Muffin Man, Sylvain, had to work late and couldn't be with us. I'll catch up with you soon Sylvain! She was great fun, and relieved me of the burden of entertaining our visitors! She was amazed to learn that the girls were excited to meet her, because they listen to her "show" (podcasts that she produces with Kyliemac)! She felt like a celeb! She acted like one too (kidding!).

Katia took us over the Ile de la Cité and Ile St. Louis for a Berthillon ice cream. Poor Handsome Bob had an ice-cream-on-the-trousers accident. I refrained from lending a helping hand, which took a HUGE amount of self-restraint, and merely passed him some paper napkins.

Later we had dinner at the strangely deserted café at the Gare de Lyon, where Handsome Bob explained his world famous Toilet Karma Theory (that's for me to know, and you to find out!). Sadly we were chased away at 10 pm by a harried waiter wanting to close up! We ended up having tea and strawberries in a brasserie across the road. I had to run like hell to get my last train home but just missed it and had to catch the RER to another town and splash out on a taxi home. Ah well! It was worth it.

All in all I think we showed them a good time, didn’t we Katia? Either that, or they couldn’t understand a word of our Kiwi and Aussie vowels, and all their smiles and encouraging nods were in fact just good manners…


  • At Sun May 20, 11:27:00 am, Blogger Katia said…

    Quite frankly, I was so blown over by the number of wonderful compliments that I couldn't bring myself to comment until now. Because my head was too big to fit into the computer room.

    A fabulous time was had by all. Truly. I particularly enjoyed the ice-cream-on-the-trousers incident, only because usually that is the sort of thing that happens to me. Is it wrong of me to revel in other people's manifestations of uncoordination?


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