Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Penis Envy

I made the mistake of working on a new, exciting and fun! translation late last night, so when I finally got into bed beside that snoring creature I refer to as French Hubby, my brain was buzzing and I just could not sleep.

Casting about in the bed for something to play with, I found a knobbly knee and entertained myself considerably by smooshing the flesh from underneath the kneecap, up and around the sides of it, to make a smiley face.

Minutes ticked excruciatingly by. I then hit upon the brilliant idea of conducting wobbleability tests on the nearest pair of buttocks. This too proved to be loads of fun.

When my roaming fingers eventually encountered a soft, slug-like appendage, I knew I had struck comedy gold! I poked it (gently). It moved! I poked it again. It shrugged irritably. I gave it a full-on tickle and its owner snorted loudly and rolled over and away from me. *sighs*

I don't really want to BE a man, but I would like my very own todger to play with, as and when the fancy strikes me. There's something so ludicrous about the wrinkliness and mobility of a sleeping trouser snake! It doesn't seem fair that a man can get instant hilarity by playing with his tallywacker, whereas it simply doesn't work like that with our neat and tidy, tucked-away bits.

Your thoughts, Ladies?


  • At Thu Feb 16, 11:57:00 am, Blogger hobbes said…

    Ah yes, but sex toys for tucked away bits are much more exciting than sex toys for wrinkled trouser snakes...

  • At Thu Feb 16, 12:11:00 pm, Blogger Ms Mac said…

    I was drinking fizzy water from a bottle and now it came down my nose.

  • At Thu Feb 16, 12:53:00 pm, Blogger Andi said…

    I'm still getting over the slug-like appendage description!

  • At Thu Feb 16, 02:05:00 pm, Anonymous Mystery V.I.P House Guest No. 2 said…

    I find it difficult to believe (and somewhat disconcerting) that you don't have one to play with when the fancy strikes you.

    What is happening in the mind of your man?

    You would most probably be aware that the more you play with it, the less wrinkly it gets.

    Obviously I can't give you one to keep, but you can have a lend of mine...

  • At Thu Feb 16, 03:18:00 pm, Blogger euro-trac said…

    "tallywacker!!" Great word that!
    reminds me of an old Mojo Nixon album of mine! :-)


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