Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

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Friday, February 03, 2006

Poo, Poo, Poo, Poo, Poo!

I’ve written a post about bodily functions AGAIN, but for Wendy’s sake, have had the decency to post it here, so she wouldn’t be caught unawares. Poor Wendy has recently had to put up with the Great Snot Debate (morning bogies: fresh vs. crusty) thanks to Ms. Mac and the recipe for Toejam Soup from myself. I hate to think what would happen to the poor girl if she ever came across mr. nice guy’s Diaper Contents post, The Lovely Jonathan's Birthday Pustule or Trashman’s Nasty Smell of Butt Sex offering (you'll have to e-mail me if you want that link, I'm not publishing it here!).

Anyway, today I’d like to complain about two of my colleagues who are generally very decent people. It’s a five person company, we all work in one big space and there is a fabulous relaxed, casual hippie vibe about the place. We all dress like scruffy students and once a month, when our publishing deadline looms, some of us simply don’t have time to shower or brush our teeth for two days. This does not bother me (much).

However, two of my colleagues are so engrossed in their work - they truly are absent-minded professor types and always in a rush – that they never look in the toilet before leaving, and regularly leave awful and COPIOUS skid marks. I use the loo quite frequently during the day, firstly because I drink a lot of tea and water, and secondly to alleviate the tedium of my job!

I’m always so revolted by their skid marks that I invariably mutter “Fucking pigs!” to myself as I go in. I always scrub the stuff off myself, with face averted and loo brush held at arm's length, for fear of having it identified as MINE by whoever comes in after me. Oh the irony of it all! To think that I went back to work after six years at home with the kids, in order to escape that kind of drudgery!

However, I really don’t want to say anything to anybody, because one of them has a family history of intestinal cancer and has recently been in hospital for colonoscopies and other delightful medical procedures. So it’s a rather delicate situation, as you can see.

But ranting about it here makes me feel better!

I would like to add that I am a true fairy princess and therefore never do poos myself, but even if I did, my poos would be made of silver dust, thistledown and gossamer, and wouldn’t even leave the slightest trace in the toilet bowl. And even if my fairy princess poos DID leave a mark, I would bloody well check and clean it off before leaving!

8 Comments:

  • At Fri Feb 03, 09:30:00 am, Blogger ViVi said…

    Did you know that Americans call skid marks the stuff that's left in underwear?

    It's true!

    God, now I'm making myself ill...

     
  • At Fri Feb 03, 04:20:00 pm, Anonymous Marilyn said…

    LOL I figured out what you meant by skid marks since I know what they call them in as mentioned some people's underwear. :-) At first, I thought you were going to say that they left copious amounts of poo. LOL

     
  • At Fri Feb 03, 04:31:00 pm, Blogger Samantha said…

    I call skidmarks the "trail" left in the toilet too - at least for me, it's not just for underwear!

    And I think the French are just more relaxed about poo- when I went to the US with my French family, they kept talking about the big crap they just took, had to take, or were going to take. It was all too graphic (and a little too much info) for me, even among family.

     
  • At Fri Feb 03, 06:56:00 pm, Anonymous Wendy said…

    *Guffawing*.....I wouldn't dare to clean someone else poo marks..it's icky enough to clean my own loo after the boys have been there..I have a big aversion to poo, thank you very much!(like you, I too am of the fairy ilk and do not leave skid marks)...

    I can't get over this French 'laissez faire' attitude to body functions. One of my clients has unisex toilets and I went to use the toilet the other day and a MAN walked in at the same time...well I couldn't even pee in case he heard me...not that I'd poo in any toilet but my own! But he just merrily went about his business and left me gasping...literally.

     
  • At Fri Feb 03, 07:07:00 pm, Blogger Ms Mac said…

    You guys are all so polite. In our house we call them "shit-slides".

    We don't really but the thought of it is making me laugh my myself stupid so I thought I would share.

    I'm good like that.

     
  • At Sun Feb 05, 11:10:00 am, Blogger Calamity Tat said…

    Antipo you kill me, fairy poos indeed bof, but fancy cleaning the loo after them in case someone thinks it's you, brave brave woman, you need my husbands give a fuck attitude, he'll drop a log anywhere! Moi, just chez moi or not at all, I'll just hang on and have what husband calls a tortoise head!!! Can't believe I wrote that, I'm a laydee don't you know ......

     
  • At Sun Feb 05, 12:44:00 pm, Blogger Kim said…

    omg, shit skids. someone would have to die.

     
  • At Mon Feb 06, 10:11:00 pm, Anonymous deeleea said…

    Boy, oh Boy...

    They're called skid marks Chez Deeleea too and a regular feature at work... but strangely one can't deal with them (one's own or otherwise) because there are no freaking brushes...

    Not sure what that's about...

    We have to Skid and be Proud... or do the tortoise head. Those are our only choices.

    Gak.

     

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