Poo, Poo, Poo, Poo, Poo!

I’ve written a post about bodily functions AGAIN, but for Wendy’s sake, have had the decency to post it here, so she wouldn’t be caught unawares. Poor Wendy has recently had to put up with the Great Snot Debate (morning bogies: fresh vs. crusty) thanks to Ms. Mac and the recipe for Toejam Soup from myself. I hate to think what would happen to the poor girl if she ever came across mr. nice guy’s Diaper Contents post, The Lovely Jonathan's Birthday Pustule or Trashman’s Nasty Smell of Butt Sex offering (you'll have to e-mail me if you want that link, I'm not publishing it here!).

Anyway, today I’d like to complain about two of my colleagues who are generally very decent people. It’s a five person company, we all work in one big space and there is a fabulous relaxed, casual hippie vibe about the place. We all dress like scruffy students and once a month, when our publishing deadline looms, some of us simply don’t have time to shower or brush our teeth for two days. This does not bother me (much).

However, two of my colleagues are so engrossed in their work - they truly are absent-minded professor types and always in a rush – that they never look in the toilet before leaving, and regularly leave awful and COPIOUS skid marks. I use the loo quite frequently during the day, firstly because I drink a lot of tea and water, and secondly to alleviate the tedium of my job!

I’m always so revolted by their skid marks that I invariably mutter “Fucking pigs!” to myself as I go in. I always scrub the stuff off myself, with face averted and loo brush held at arm's length, for fear of having it identified as MINE by whoever comes in after me. Oh the irony of it all! To think that I went back to work after six years at home with the kids, in order to escape that kind of drudgery!

However, I really don’t want to say anything to anybody, because one of them has a family history of intestinal cancer and has recently been in hospital for colonoscopies and other delightful medical procedures. So it’s a rather delicate situation, as you can see.

But ranting about it here makes me feel better!

I would like to add that I am a true fairy princess and therefore never do poos myself, but even if I did, my poos would be made of silver dust, thistledown and gossamer, and wouldn’t even leave the slightest trace in the toilet bowl. And even if my fairy princess poos DID leave a mark, I would bloody well check and clean it off before leaving!