Dearest Drug-Addled Muddy-Heeled Queen of Saggy Gussets,

Yes, yes, but were any of the workmen who ripped up the road good-looking? is what I want to know!

Perhaps you should consider a trip to the hosiery aisle of the local supermarket and grab yourself a new pair of tights (Get you and your pantyhose- oooooh, haven't we got tickets on ourself today?) Personally, I never wear saggy gussetted items of underwear- imagine the looks on the ambulance men's faces if you got knocked over on your way to work. You and your baggy underwear would be the talk of the hospital's Emergency Dept. If I can't have a nice snug gusset or two cradling my pink bits, I go entirely without. If I'm to be the talk of anywhere, it's going to be for something outrageously scandalous.

Nothing has happened here of note. Yesterday's baking extravaganza has produced some shortbread of an inferior crunch not quite up to my exacting shortbread standards. Certainly, it's not suitable to be placed in the lovely little tins and decorated bags I had planned to give to friends and (nice) neighbours as little Christmas treats. Therefore, today will be devoted to eating the entire batch of shortbread before anyone sees it. I foresee a tough job ahead of me, but really, somebody has to do it, non? And by the way, I refuse to answer your question about my decorative carrots atop my carrot cake upon the grounds that it may incriminate me.

Must be off, a cup of tea and the shortbread tin awaits!

With love,

Ms. Mac