Seafood and Eat It

A lunch guest of mine once sadly refused to eat my world famous Moules Marinières (mussels in white wine). He said it wasn't the taste that put him off, but the appearance. To him they looked like Vaginas of the Sea.

The World Famous and Lovely Kiwifruit Fi once memorably admitted she can't eat raw oysters. To her they look (and presumably feel) like Bogies of the Sea (or Boogers of the Sea, if you're American).

On holiday in Brittany my children once collected dozens of 'couteaux' shellfish, so called because the outer shell is long, narrow and flat, like the blade of a knife. After keeping them overnight in a bucket of sea water, we discovered the pink, penis-like creatures inside lolling out, for all the world like Tallywackers of the Sea.

As a child, my brother tried to put me off eating scallops by telling me that their 'coral' was actually their sex organ. Little did he know, that information only served to make them even more delicious to my pervie little self! What title could I possibly give here... Schlongs of the Sea, perhaps?