Murder, She Wrote

Allow me to vent once more about the stupidity of my annoying colleague (the one who sniffs, sings, whistles, hiccups unneccessarily loudly and cracks her knuckles all day long, when some of us are trying to blog work).

Yesterday I proudly announced that I had gained a new subscriber to our report - a famous brewery with a memorable name! - and I even showed her the subscription form which had arrived by fax. I only average two to three new clients per month, so it's a very big deal indeed. All well and good.

This morning she went to get the post, while I was powdering my nose, and as I strolled casually back to my desk she said "Ooh Helen! Great news! You have another new subscriber! I put the form on your desk".

I sprinted feverishly, yet elegantly, to my desk to discover the original copy of the subscription form which had thoughtfully been posted by yesterday's new subscriber.

Fuck, fuck, FUCK! Were I not graced with such a gentle and pacific soul, I would smash her idiotic face in and poke callously at her twitching remains, using her very own earwax-bedaubed pencil (but freshly sharpened).