The Book, The Book, THE BOOK!

The Book is called How To Be A Great Lover, written by Lou Paget. You can read some excerpts from it and reviews here.

It is more than just a collection of useful tips and techniques. The aspect I find extremely helpful, in my slightly pretentious, fascinated-by-the-scientific-explanations way, is that it describes some of the sensations men can experience in reaction to a certain movement or flicker of the tongue, lips, fingers, etc. It helps me to understand or guess at what certain things might feel like, if I had the necessary equipment. Gosh, now wouldn’t that be fun?!

More importantly, it gives an indication of certain movements and techniques best avoided. I’m really shocked and dismayed to learn that I have been doing some things wrong all these years!

For girls whose partners do not express themselves verbally EVER, beyond the occasional grunt, this book will be enormously helpful.

The tone and language are surprisingly refined. We are always referred to as ladies, and our partners as gentlemen. But it’s definitely not prissy!

Judging by the reactions the author gets from her seminars, the Number One most popular - ahem - manual technique is a two-handed, continuous upward motion with a twist, enhanced with copious amounts of slippery stuff, and christened Ode to Bryan.

If one partner is feeling frisky and the other is suffering a migraine and homicidal PMT, the Ode to Bryan can restore good humour to the entire household in a deeply satisfying, yet pleasantly rapid fashion.

The Lovely Ms. Mac and The Delightful Heather have been promised a demonstration on a cucumber during my forthcoming trip to Switzerland. Perhaps we should YouTube it?