Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Friday, November 16, 2007

URGENT! Dear Ms. Mac,

Lovey, pls edit this piece and get it back to us b4 going to press. One of our younger, inexperienced hacks has cobbled this together in a rush tonight; it’ll need a lot of tweaking and you are the only one with the international financial background necessary to explain the complexities of the case.
I’ll put the pressure on the board members about your Christmas bonus.
The Boss

Kiwi Blogger in Shock Horror, Egg-On-Face Financial Scandal

The Lovely Ms. Antipo Déesse, a very sexy, but sadder and wiser 42 year old mother of two, has exclusively revealed the truth behind the mystery of the Internet electronic theft she suffered recently.

As we reported last Saturday, Ms. Déesse was devastated to receive notification that one hundred and eighty gigantic euros had been debited from her PayPal account and apparently “donated” to the Wikimedia Foundation Inc., without her knowledge or consent. “I haven’t even been on E-Bay or PayPal since last July!” she wailed, daintily holding an antique lace hanky to dab prettily at the crystalline tears spilling from her velvety brown eyes.

After suffering many sleepless nights, drafting elegant letters of protest and complaint in her best legalese, spending countless hours in a draughty and heinously ill-decorated waiting room at the local Commissariat de Police, and agonizing over the identity of the evil mystery hacker who so callously emptied the coffers intended for Ms. Déesse’s Christmas shopping, but to no apparent profit for himself, the truth was finally revealed today.

“My husband, Mr Grumpy Blackheart, spent many hours researching the history of the internet connexions on our computer”, Ms. Déesse – pale, but resolute - explained earnestly, staring deep into your correspondent’s eyes. “And he unearthed the Wikipedia webpage of pop singer Avril Lavigne, which features a large, bright red ‘DONATE’ button. It appears my young [name withheld for legal reasons] clicked four times on the button, thus raising the donation from 40 euros by default, to 180 euros!”

Unluckily for poor, sultry Antipo, her PayPal access codes had carelessly been left in the computer’s memory, and the donation was executed incredibly swiftly, bloodlessly, and with maximum efficiency.

“Of course I am grateful to my husband for having solved the mystery” murmured Ms. Déesse, in husky tones, “but how I wish he had conducted his investigation before I laid a complaint at the police station and posted off registered letters willy-nilly and at vast expense, to sodding Luxembourg and the United Bloody States.”

The perky housewife and amateur budgie breeder is determined that others should learn from her mistakes, and she will remain resolutely cheerful during the forthcoming Season of Goodwill.

’Don’t let the bastards get you down’ is a very uplifting motto, I always find. At first I was so embarrassed, I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and stay there quietly for the next few weeks. But I have bravely made my extremely humble apologies to PayPal (Europe) Inc. and to the gorgeous young police officer whose time I wasted today. He had a good laugh at me, and he won’t forget me in a hurry. I just hope the Wikimedia Foundation Inc. will throw a damn good party in my honour, with their ill-gotten gains!”


Post a Comment

<< Home