Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

A Strange and Shitty Saturday, Followed By a Lovely, Peaceful Sunday

Dearest Love Monkey Ms. Mac,

Had a horrible outburst of Stranger Rage yesterday in Fontainebleau, with my son in the car... two young hoodlums were playing in the middle of the busy road: stopping cars, waving them on, walking very slowly in front of me and other drivers, just arsing around for fun, but it was very dangerous.

I drove carefully around them and finally made it to my regular car park near the ch√Ęteau, only to discover the two motherfuckers blocking my entrance. I stopped the car and stared at them with an expressionless face: they didn't budge. They looked slightly drunk or stoned, were smoking joints and waving a huge bottle of Coca-Cola that possibly contained some additional stimulants. That thing I have in my menstrual brain, that Sudden Storm Switch, that Rubber Band of Rage - it snapped. You saw it happen on a train once when a young guy lit up his cigarette, remember? My anger at having my lovely day spoiled by two moronic fuckheads exploded out of me and I wanted to physically hurt them.

I jumped out of the car and shouted 'What the FUCK are you doing? Get the hell out of my way!' I was shaking with rage and my face was moving in a strange way. They laughed and jeered and started abusing me verbally. I reached into my handbag to grab my Swiss Army knife, but luckily it wasn't there - I would have stabbed one of them otherwise, I know it.

I got back in the car and accelerated hard, then immediately slammed on the brake so that the car lurched forward and nearly hit them. I saw a satisfying flicker of fear in their faces. I rolled down my window and hissed at the nearest one "You picked the wrong victim, my little man. You don't know who my husband is in this town. You are going to find out!" and I started scribbling in a notebook as if I were writing his description down, and then pretended to call the police on my mobile.

God help us all! You can tell I watched too many episodes of The Sopranos on your DVD, can't you? I cannot believe how ridiculous I was. Am.

Thank goodness today was spent cosily at home, jogging in the forest with Keke, soaking in a perfumed bath, baking a cake with Popo (vanilla sponge with frozen raspberries and walnut streusel topping), and watching a Harry Potter movie, curled up on the sofa with a big cup of tea (in my special Andi cup). Hell, I love quiet Sundays at home on a wet winter's day! Am all better now. Till next month, I suppose. I'm going to have to up my dose of Omega3 happy pills.

Or maybe you should sharpen up your kitchen knives and perform a lobotomy on the anger lobe of my brain next time I come over.

Love and Looney kisses,
Ms. Mental Maniac


  • At Mon Nov 12, 07:35:00 am, Blogger Forest Green said…

    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than have a frontal lobotomy ...

    or, as Ogden Nash said ...

    Candy is dandy,
    But liquor is quicker ...


Post a Comment

<< Home