Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Dearest Ms. Mac, my Number One Fan,

So, à propos of nothing: yesterday I saw a tiny, fluffy, white kitten running along the footpath underneath a massive, voluptuous, overhanging bank of blowsy, pale pink roses atop a garden wall. It was a beautiful, and rather unusual sight. A fleeting glimpse, a picture postcard moment, fit for a Hallmark card and it touched my artist’s soul.

Of course I know that you prefer your fluffy kittens nicely browned on the spit, with the skin extra crispy, and served with Thai Sweet Chilli sauce. But even so. I simply felt compelled to share that moment with you. I can’t explain it. So sue me, Bitch.

Now, here are the statistics from Wednesday’s fraught Dress Rehearsal of the ballet school gala:

- shrieking, over-excited prima donnas running round the stuffy, echoing theatre for six hours straight: 141

- costumes hastily sewn by myself and the Chief Seamstress while the little ones danced: 1 kajillion

- number of helpful mothers who spontaneously got off their arses and offered to help in the sewing on of buttons, epaulettes, apron strings, etc.: ZERO

- number of helpful mothers who were cajoled and pleaded with by myself to help sew on buttons etc.: 3

- mistakes made by the Sound Engineer in the order of the music: 42

- Chief Seamstress’ fingers slashed to ribbons by accident with sewing machine: 1

- drops of Chief Seamstress’ blood cleaned off floor and sewing machine: 27 (none on the costumes, thank the Lawd)

- dancers' left knees swollen to the size of a grapefruit and the colour of an uglifruit, caused by endless repetition of graceful, swivelling movement in a kneeling position: 1 (mine)

- foul and evil curse words uttered by ballet teacher at every single dancer’s ineptitude and lack of synchronisation: 728 BAZILLION

- migraine remedies consumed by Yours Truly at bedtime: 1 (but it was a biggie)

- level of my emotions as measured on the Cool-Calm-o-meter: RED ALERT

Achey-boned love and cracked-voice kisses,

Dame Margot Fonteyn



  • At Fri Jun 06, 03:52:00 pm, Blogger Mickle in NZ said…

    It was the dress rehersal for a Ballet School Recital - yep, sounds right, just as I remember them. Dear Antipo - you missed the super pushy Mums making sure their little darlings makeup was perfect etc..while getting in everyone else's way. Just keep the Brandy filled flask close to you for the actual performance night, pepper spray for the pushy parents
    Hugles and love


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