Antipo's Sexy Recipes

Especially for you Wendy

Quick and Easy, Super Healthy, Low Calorie, Kind To Your Arteries (kidding!) Lemon Curd

3 eggs
1 cup (200 g) white sugar
50 g butter
grated zest of 1 lemon
½ cup lemon juice (2 medium lemons)

Preheat oven to 100° C and place clean jars inside for at least 20 minutes to sterilise them. Whisk eggs in a two litre microwave proof jug or bowl, and gradually beat in the sugar. Add butter, lemon zest and juice. Cover lightly, cook on high power (100%) for two minutes. Whisk, cook for a further two minutes. Whisk again, cook again for two more minutes and check consistency. If it’s not viscous and snot-like in texture, cook for another minute or two. When the curd is pleasingly slimy, it’s safe to pour it into the jars. Leave to cool before sealing (makes two Bonne Maman jars). Keeps for ages, probably, but I’ve never been able to test its longevity as we eat it pretty fast.

Top tip: stir a spoonful of lemon curd into a plain Greek yogurt to treat your tastebuds to an intensely erotic experience.

Raunchy Red Pepper Relish

8 red peppers (or capsicums, if your name is Aussie Lass or Flying Kiwi)
¾ cup lemon juice
¼ cup orange juice
grated zest of 1 lemon, and 1 orange
½ cup red wine vinegar
6-8 large cloves garlic, peeled & chopped
2 onions, peeled & chopped
1 ½ cups sugar
2 tbsp tomato paste
½ tsp each salt and cayenne pepper
few drops tabasco sauce

Wrap the peppers in newspaper and bake in a covered dish for about 45 to 60 mins at 180°C. When cool enough to handle, peel away the skin. Remove seeds and cores, and chop into small dice, or funny squiggles, or long, sexy strips...

In the meantime, have 5 or 6 clean Bonne Maman sized glass jars sterilising in the oven for 30 mins at 100°C.

Place all ingredients in a large saucey-pan and stir over a low heat until sugar has dissolved. Bring to the boil, reduce to a gentle simmer and cook at least 10 minutes (but probably more if the peppers were really juicy-lucy). Consistency should be thick and jam-like. Bottle into hot, sterilised jars and seal. Keeps indefinitely.

Note: Your whole house will smell raunchy for hours afterwards!

P.S. Sexy photos below (one of them is topless!)