Warning: Nasty Bodily Fluids Ahead!

The unpleasant consequence of a week-long attack of Runny Nose Syndrome is that whenever I laugh, gasp or cough, a veritable cascade of phlegm pours forth from my lungs. I do hope you are not reading this over breakfast! Sorry!

I felt so repulsed by my own bodily functions on my way to work this morning, that I attempted to wittily and elegantly paraphrase Samuel Taylor Coleridge in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.

(Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink ;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.)

Sadly all I could come up with was:

"Phlegm, phlegm everyhere... I wish it would bugger off".

So obviously coffee is needed before I attempt any more Lyrical Ballads so early in the morning.