Dear Healing Kisser,

Mum went to Lourdes last year, she has used up her once in a lifetime miracle dunk in the waters of life already. Besides, even if I had no legs whatsoever, I would learn to scoot along on my knuckles on the cobbles of Rome if I had to. I'm hoping that if I'm not better, then touching the foot of St Peter's statue with an honesty and sincerity in my heart in St Peter's Basilica will cure me of all my ills!

Oh dear, your Dirty Old Lady fantasies don't feature young lads with scruffy hair who sing do they? Young Scottish lads with Italiano names? If they didn't, I'll bet they do now, you filthy mare!

Love,

S
xxxx