Dearest Spaz,

I vote we form The Moaning Minnies' Association.

I shall watch Talladega Nights for some inspiration and then pray to Little Baby Christmas Jesus to lay his itty-bitty pink fists on you and heal you, Hallelujah! Perhaps you and your Momma should go to Lourdes rather than Roma?

Am slowly but surely getting my naughtiness mojo back. Today, in between making the world's most boring phone calls, I have been conjuring up a Dirty Old Lady fantasy about taking a very young guy camping and corrupting teaching him all about the wonders of pleasing an older woman. He's all "Gosh, I wonder what will happen if I put my finger there?" and I'm all silent and mysterious, but knowingly guiding his various bits and pieces in exactly the right way. I do believe I am qualified to write and publish an educational manual on the topic, and it should be distributed to all seventeen and eighteen year olds. You will be my Senior Editor, of course.

Sending healing kisses and perhaps some hard drugs your way,

Antipo

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