Kissing Beardies

Dearest Ms. Marj Proops,

Help! I’ve been enjoying many kissing dreams lately, and the recipients of my kisses have all been beardies! Obviously my usual bearded boyfriends (Seb Chabal, Tom Petty, Hairy McLary and Jemain Conchord) should figure prominently in my fantasies, as is only right and proper.

However, the most recent dream involved a beardie of our acquaintance whom I do not fancy at all. I even think he’s yuck! So why was I dreaming lusty dreams about him? I don’t like this strange phenomenon at all.

Also, I don’t believe I have ever kissed a beardie or moustachioed in real life, not ever. So what does it feel like? I’m wondering how accurate my dreams can be. As your lovely husband was once a beardie, I need you to reassure me that it doesn’t tickle and cause giggles at the most inopportune moment.

Yours sincerely,
Antipo
xxx