Wot I Had For Lunch Today

Dearest Exotic Ella-Ella-Ella,

I can't possibly compete with your taste-bud-tingling and sophistimacated luncheon. I hastily scrabbled round in the fridge this morning and threw some left-over and decidedly ancient - but I shall call it 'aged' - rice in a Tupperware pot, added left-over fried courgettes, chopped up a tomato - sorry, pomodoro - and an avocado and flung them in, drizzled over some bottled vinaigrette and called it A Salad.

Bof!

It was rather bland after last night's exquisitely flavoursome dinner.

So tell me more about the gorgeous Portuguese singer's cleavage. I do think it’s a shame that the allure of a lovely bevvy like Spumante is somewhat tarnished by the connotations of the “spew” sound. Mind you, we can get around that problem by pronouncing it correctly, I suppose, Spoo-manté, can’t we? Ooh, hark at me! I love being a know-it-all.

And have you any new and hilarious jokes, while you are at it? I don't pay you to sit around and entertain other people you know!

Tired love and boring kisses,

Antipo

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