Annual Valentine's Débâcle Imminent

Now begins my one-woman campaign, nay crusade, to alert Mr Evil Blackheart to the surprising, yet utterly regular occurrence of Valentine's Day. In the hopes of sparing the poor lamb his annual surprise and shock of the manifestation of Valentine's Day ON THE FOURTEENTH AND NOT THE FIFTEENTH OF FEBRUARY, I am buttering him up.

Literally.

So far I have performed The Ode to Bryan. I don't want to have to explain it all over again, so you'll have to read about it here.

In fact, a long-lost cinematic tutorial of this manoeuvre does exist. It was filmed by The Lovely Ms. Mac, features a giant courgette and my own fair hands. However the censors have deemed it just a tad too racy for pubic consumption. Or even for public consumption. You'll have to use your imaginations. Or perhaps I will describe it in an audio post.