Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dear Esmeralda,

Did you know that Esmeralda is Spanish for Emerald? Of course you did!

Last night's orgiastic bacon-wrapped asparagus was described as "sublime". I declare it a complete success!

Today I had plans to make a wonderful pasta I saw my new Chef Boyfriend, the slicky sexy and leatherly lubricious, Giorgio Locatelli cooking for me on the telly yesterday. He sliced up some garlic, some chilli and fried them off in some olive oil. After they'd been fried, he added more olive oil to cool the pan down to stop the garlic and chilli burning before adding some crab to the mix. After giving all that a quick stir he slugged in a good old slurp of white wine which he cooked the alcohol out of and reduced a little before adding his freshly cooked spaghetti and mixing it all through. I eagerly showered (!) and dressed today and rushed off down the shops to grab a generously sized tin of crab meat to try it myself for tonight's dinner but despite having gone to two decent-sized supermarkets, there is no crab to be found, tinned or fresh on the shelves. Bloody stupid Switzerland!

Instead I will try it with some little prawns and let you know how it goes.

Have you collapsed at your desk yet? What on earth possessed you to get up early this morning and start working? Was it the lure of listening to all those sexy Aussie accents saying things like, "No wockin' furries, darl!" and "Don't come the raw prawn with me, love!" I know I can't get enough of it. Sometimes I even break things on purpose to hear my darling husband drawl at me, "I told you not to do that.... and now you've fucked it!" Mmmmm! Sexy!

My sympathies on your sore shoulder and facial twitch. Should I make an appointment at Dr LovelyArms for you? I'm sure he'll give you a good poking and some retard tablets and he'll have you sorted out in no time. Taking Hunchbacks and turning them back into Esmeraldas is his specialty, believe me!

Muchos besos Esmeralda,



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