Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Invoice (Payable Within A Lifetime of Receipt)

Dearest Antipo,

You may consider a special recipe Kir the cost of your Metaphysical Funk Cure from yesterday. I shall expect to be treated to one next time we see each other. Make it a Kir Royale and you can keep me on retainer.

re: Your Dream Man- Oooh, it's always the quiet ones you need to watch out for isn't it? I hope he at least wrote you a poem before defiling you in such an abrupt manner!

re: Mature Displays of Comedy- My dear, I expect nothing less than the occasional pube joke here and there from you. If it were God that gave us pubes, it was surely only to amuse us all.

I apologise for this rather humourless and boring missive. How I would dearly love to crack you up with an amusing anecdote or two about my life but honestly? There's nothing going on here. Nothing! Oh, I have a scab on the inside of my right nostril, a result of giving it too thorough a picking the other night. Now I feel like I have to spend all day blowing my nose which is really most time-consuming and gives me the constant fear that I'm going to end up with my brains in my aloe-vera tissue. So that's nice.

What will you be doing tomorrow? It's Wednesday tomorrow isn't it? There's nothing else going on tomorrow, 20th Feb is there? Nothing that you or I or any of your multitude of friends and rellies should be celebrating? No I thought not. So just another pyjama day then?

Yours with ordinary, everyday, not-anybody's-birthday-tomorrow love,



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