Ms. Mac Bends Over Backwards to Curry Favour With Antipo

She sexted me quite late on New Year’s Day to say:

Happy New Year to you and the family my dear friend! Apologies for late wishes – too many gins last night! All the very best, anyway, for 2008!

Loads of love,
xxx xxx xxx

(When she sends ‘loads’ of love you can tell she is desperately trying to win me back).


I replied:

Hippo Nude Year to you, my Bestest Soulie! I didn’t dare sext you too early, in case the dreaded Hangover Hammer was drilling the Edinburgh Military Tattoo into your puir wee heid.

How is puir wee Mr. Mac today?

I am spending the first day of the new year curled up on youngest offspring’s bed, clutching a hot wheat bag to my belly to soothe away the worst menstrual cramps in The Hystery of Uterine Discomfort. So that’s nice.

We are also playing her new electronic Monopoly game and listening to her new Avril Lavigne CD, which I love. Avril is feisty and stroppy and doesn’t take crap from boys. I should have been like her when I was sixteen....

My daughter is a proper mini-tycoon. She has made millions of euros, and owns hotels all over Paris. I have been to prison SIX times and am almost bankrupt. So that’s nice too.

Will console myself with hot tea and left-over fancy wee cakes in a minute.

Poor You-Know-Who’s computer is kaput, so she is no doubt inflicting her humourlessness on her real-life friends. We don’t have to suffer any more!

Loads of love and Nude Year kisses to ya!

Antipo
xxx

(I was very restrained and only sent three kisses this time. I don’t want her to feel she is totally forgiven. I’m going to make her beg for it.)