Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Dearest Pungently Repugnant Darling,

Still no sign of my mojo, but one bears up as best one can during these difficult times.

Re: your sexy leg of lamb

Phwooar! You might need to get your pores steam-cleaned after that extreme garlic treatment! Will it ever be safe for me to visit you again?

Interesting tid-bit: did you know that I always keep 40 Swiss francs in my wallet? It's just in case you come charging here on your white steed one day, and spirit me away to Swissyland till happy ever after. And we mightn't have time to stop at a money machine. Mind you, I don't suppose 40 Swiss francs would buy much us more than a small cup of tea and half a digestive biscuit (to share). But still. Isn't that sweet of me?

Poor old Jamesey. Fancy having to be poked and prodded by Swiss doctors again AND with the added indignity of his materfamilias tagging along. Just don't make him wear clean underwear in case he gets hit by a bus, or try to smooth down his cowlick with your own spit or anything even remotely fusspotty.

I shall be standing by the phone in case you need to send emergency sxt msgs describing how you accidentally on purpose bump into Dr Lovely Arms at the hostable: "Herr Doktor! Mais quelle surprise to see you here!" and then you suddenly feel faint and swoon graciously into his waiting lovely arms, while flicking back your luxuriously glossy hair at the most fetching angle. Or perhaps you will dial the emergency services with your bum again. That would be fun.

My afternoon is dragging slowly by, with only the hope of some excitement from you to make it bearable. Mind you, we are due for an Easter lunch at my MIL's house on Sunday. This means I'm hoping to persuade Mr Grumpy Blackheart to stop in Paris on the way home, so I can pop in and grace The Lovely Aimee's new Parisian café with my divine presence. And that would make you just a teeny bit envious, wouldn't it? And then I could have something to gloat about on Monday morning. There is something to look forward to after all!

I'm so bored today that I'm considering scanning some very old photos of my dear self to post on the blog, thus inviting international scorn and humiliation on a grand scale. You can expect to see "Worst 80s Perm Evah" and "Totally Shapeless Baggy Stonewashed Jeans With Pixie Boots", “Moon-Faced Antipo With No Fringe” or even "Ruffle Necked Blouse Teamed With Navy Blue Pinafore" before the weekend is over. Be there or be square, Babe!

Come and save me from myself very soon...

Mental lurve and extremely dotty kisses,



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