Communiqué from Amsterdam
Darls, haven't felt like sexting due to nightmarish journey. We left late, traffic jams all the way, my boss stinks of BO, am crammed in t'back with boxes of stuff and am surely developing cancer of the spine. "Dinner" was a quick sanga gobbled in 5 mins in a greasy spoon. ETA is 9:45pm, go straight to expo hall to set up booth and then hotel. Only consolation was watching the sun glint off the hairs on young Cristophe's muscular arms (phwooar!) as he drove manfully from Lille to Rotterdam, and the plethora of commercial vehicles bearing the names "Donk" or "Van Dong". These have put my naughtiness radar on red alert. Much jet-setting love and envy-inspiring kisses, Antipo. xxx
And via email today:
Cara raggazza di Milano,
Get ready to BURST with pride, because I tippled to the max last night with 4, yes FOUR glasses of really good red wine at apéritif hour and then with dinner! I know!!! The lovely Mr Mac would surely be removed to remark that I am now indeed drinking like a grown up.
Amsterdam is lovely lovely lovely and we really must put it on our "To Do In a Heart Shaped Frame" list. The working ladies we saw last night in the in the windows of the Red Light district were young and extremely beautiful, contrary to the old shrivelled hags people usually claim to see. I feel rather tempted to join them, being so young and bouncy myself.
Slept okayish in the crap hotel, but with medicinal aid and am hoping for a quiet day again on the booth, having decided that being bored is actually preferable to talking about industrial catalytic extraction processes with people I don't know, don't care about and will never have to see again.
So while you have been busy being all Italian, I have been suffering quietly. The champagne we will open this afternoon may go some way to alleviate my distress. Also, for the first time ever at an expo, the fridge we have hired actually works properly and makes thing really cold. I love modern technology.
Missing you horribly and I really think you should sell up soon and move to My Quaint Village to be my paid companion, lady's maid and minder. You owe it to yourself to find some happiness and a more meaningful path in life. I'm only thinking of what's best for you.
Busy and Important love and quisses (or 'baci', as I think you would prefer me to say),