Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Winter Blahs Blasted Away!

Dearest Ms. Mac,

Thanks to you and your bottomless fount of culinary expertise, I was blasted out of my Winter Blahs this morning.

I remembered what you once told me about caramel wafers. I was inspired enough to carefully position my rock-hard honey waffle on top of my steaming cup of cawfee.

I even remembered to turn it after two minutes, so that both sides could soften. When I bit into my morning delicacy, the warm honey oozed out over my tongue and chin, and gave my taste buds and my morale a HUGE uplifting, boosty boost!


How can I ever repay you?

What tips will you have for me at lunchtime, I wonder?

And perhaps I should call you again just before dinner tonight...

Stand by!

Lurve and entirely satisfied customer kisses,



Monday, January 12, 2009

bad mother, all-round nasty human being

Dearest Darls,

Am suffering the worst case of Mondayitis in the history of paid employement!

What am I doing here?

Also, is it wrong that it annoys me SO MUCH when the kids cut big chunks out of the side of the butter, instead of neatly cutting off dainty slivers from the end, which would leave a nice, easily wrap-uppable rectangle?

And when prospective clients fill in an order form on our website, some type in their phone number without leaving the country code and also they hurriedly type in a looooong number with NO spaces whatsoever, meaning I have to go back later and put spaces in, in order to save my poor eyes, and this makes me feel murderous rage... and , and, I've forgotten what my question was....

I'll go and make a cawfee now!

Love and gloomy kisses,



Thursday, January 08, 2009

Relief-Ridden Thursday

Dearest Jet-Setting, Glamour Puss Darls!

Am so relieved to hear you are back safe and sound with your lovely new nails intact! Had been envisioning terrible snowy roads + fast car overladen with Christmas bounty = tragic carnage scenario for some silly reason.

Can't wait to hear the jeans story!

Am also delighted to know that I am not the only one who is vain enough to lurve having artificial bits stuck to her body purely for reasons of aesthetic enhancement. So you have a 'Nail Technician now' - get you!

I know you are out prancing about in the snowy snow, and cannot email me just yet, but I must point out that you are being spoiled with such tropical temps as -6°. We in France have it tough, and our bollocks are freezing right off in -12°, so there!

Look forward to receiving some precious missives from you, so that my life can begin again.

Muchos blue-nosed besos,



Monday, January 05, 2009


Dearest Hannah's Auntie,

Are you on the way home yet? already back maybe? I'm back in the office after my paltry days off: it was so cold we stayed at home watching loads of fillums and eating Kevin's recipes from his new cook book: choux buns with vanilla cream, tiramisu, Chocolate liégeois and of course eleventy billion truffles of assorted flavours.

Mr Grumpy Blackheart and I actually had to open a second bottle of champ on NY's Eve, so you are going to be very proud of me and my burgeoning alcohol consumption indeed! My NY reasolutions are:

(1) drink more


(2) eat more.

It is snowing like a bitch outside. Am trying not to think of all my rellies at home sweltering at the beach and complaining that they can't sleep at night because it's too hot.

Other than that, my brians are empty. NTR, baby, NTR.

I hope you are safe and warm and not missing me too horribly! Hope to get back into regular written intercourse with you from today.

Muchos Nude Year Besos,