Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Letter to The Lovely Ms. Mac

Carry On Nurse
Originally uploaded by ms. mac

Darls, am trying to analyse your supreme Hotness.

Naughty Nurse: it's all in the way you are looking over your glasses, and of course the hot pink pout.

Coy and Cleavage: It's the not too friendly, not too smiley smile. The old Ice Maiden trick ("treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen").

Yowza!  You should be giving lessons!  The Lovely Ms. Mac's Academy of Hotness.  Send me the enrolment forms today!

Monday, July 30, 2007

Rhetorical Question

Is it unreasonable of me, after an initial positive impression when appraising the front view of a handsome man walking towards me, to then be disappointed when he walks away, and I turn and discover that he possesses a pair of very womanly buttocks?

Early Alzheimer’s, Here I Come!

You may think I am not particularly sensitive, nor politically correct to speak flippantly of a degenerative brain disease afflicting the elderly and feeble-minded among us….

But fuck you!

Damnit, I keep losing things.

Alas, my brand new pink-framed sunglasses: we were together but such a short, sweet time.. How I will miss you! I only bought you because I lost my very cool sunnies just days before going on holiday. You cost me a steep 20 euros. Last time I saw you, you were dangling precariously from my cleavage as I squatted elegantly to pee in a fragrant pine forest, during a two hour hike with the children.

Next day I laced up my hiking boots again and retraced my steps, in the hope that some kind person might have suspended you from a branch at eye-level, just as another kind soul had done with a pair of lacy, red, see-through panties during our original hike.

But it was not to be. Farewell, Pink Sunnies!

[In fact, I won’t really miss them that much, because their branches were too wide and hurt my ears. But they sure were pretty!]

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A Saucy Stone I Met On Holiday

Perfecting My Suction

Banana & Malteser Smoothie
Originally uploaded by ms. mac
It's a useful skill every woman should master.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Letter To The Lovely Gabrielle

Dear Gabrielle,

Darls! Was thinking about Tom Petty this morning on my way to work (and singing him!), and I need your help, 'cos you're so good with words. His nasal and rather whining voice should not thrill me as it does. Normally I'm not attracted to blond guys either. Okay, he's old & grey now, but I think I fell in love with him in 1979: do you remember the album cover for Damn the Torpedoes?

Oooohhh he was just lovely!

So why is he so fabulous? It must be his accent and his music and a whole package of subtle little details that I can't identify. I once had the luck to come across a TV documentary about him on a music channel and luckily I was able to drop everything and watch it! He talked like a country boy, but was clever and articulate. I once heard a Brit say that she loved the US southern accent because hearing it was like being undressed very slowly by a gorgeous man. Yowza! So I need your analysis of TP's attraction asap, or I'll go mad!!

Love H

The Lovely Gabrielle replied:

His attraction is that he's sly and clever and funny and has a look in his eyes that says "Yeah, I know you wanna play and I'm REAL good." Plus he's a fucking ace guitar player and can write running riffs that leap straight into your blood and make you want to drive in a car with the top down and your hair streaming behind you, a cool beer between your thighs while the sun is hot on your arms.

You NEED to see him live in concert. His version of "Gloria" and the dialogue in the middle about her knowing he's a lazy, card-playing bum is one of the funniest things I've heard.

Let's get together sometime soon!
G x