Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

Thursday Correspondence from the desks of your Favourite Epistolary Greats


My phone cut out yesterday, ran out of juice. Oh well, you got the essential news! We pigged out massively at the sushi resto and again last night at our friend's bbq. I just wish I hadn't had a bacardi & coke before the red wine...

A bastarding mossie attacked me in the night and I'm trying to convince myself the bite on my cheekbone looks as sexy as a beauty spot....

Arrived late at work to find order forms from 2 new subscribers, which brings my June total to 8, a personal best. Oh the irony!!

I expect to spend all of August & September training young Seb C. (!!!) in my job, he's rather cute (but unbearded) and I wonder if he will scream "harrassment!" if my hand accidentally brushes his thigh every now and then.

Am pining for you dreadfully. Would you be able to receive me and one offspring graciously next week for 2 days, or in the second half of August? Let me know what suits you best. Obviously I will bring a suitcase full of dried strawberries. And I will make son practise his cooking!

Huge, proud besos,
Antipo xx

Darling, yes please come next week for 2 days. Or more. Or stay forever! My stinkin' boys will still have to be in school though which is a complete bugger.

I am completely wiped out today from my big swim yesterday. It was lovely though and obviously I didn't drown or get eaten by a monster fish or anything horrible like that so really, I declare it a complete success!

Bacardi and coke is a killer! There used to be some urban legend about the bubbles in the mixers giving you a hangover but I'm not sure how much stock I put in that. (Actually all of my stock which is why I only drink wine now.) (*is lying*)

I have two or three bastarding horse fly bites so I win.

Muchos besos my darling! Can't wait to see you soon!


Yay for your gracious hostessness!

I am supposed to be looking after both my offspring next week, but will try and dump daughter at Mémée's, 'cos I don't want to bring her with me. She will only whinge and pout and flirt with your sons!! Why are Swiss kids still at school when everybody else in the entire universe is on summer hols?

Of course, you felt my vibes of concern about possible Loch Zurich monster attacks upon your person during your swim, didn't you ? I mean I didn't have to express my concerns verbally did I, because you are always tuned in to my thought waves and you could feel the worry and anxiety that consumed my every waking moment yesterday. Thank God you survived!

Will keep you posted as to dates & thread count requirements for my silk sheets.


My Cheatin' Heart

Dearest Ms. Mac,

As I am all busy and important making lots of money today (so that I can come and see you very soon), would you be so kind as to cut and paste all our recent emails into one startlingly witty and erudite blog post? I grant you full editorial discretion, naturally (although you know I will sneak in afterwards and correct your typos). Just remember that my writerly reputation and future career lie trembling in your gracious hands.

I know various readers are pining for news of our fabulous lives. However, I do have an ulterior motive.

I have been felled by a deep, deep crush on blogger and author Stan Cattermole and I am stalking him, Tweeting him and sending all kinds of abject, debasing fan letters in a desperate bid for a mere crumb of his attention.

So indulge me in my youthful phase of hero worship and cast your mind back to when YOU were the object of my ardour. Think how pleasant it would be for you to be the instrument in my future penfriendship with Stan. You will be so proud and honoured!

Muchos light-headed and sweaty-fingered besos,