Naughty Letters to Ms. Mac

Countless noble souls (and many fluffy kittens) sacrificed their lives during the making of this blog. We think you will agree they were worth it.

Monday, July 28, 2008


Dearest Holiday Girl,

I'm back in the hot seat and while you are gallivanting around Bonnie Scotland, sleeping late every day and resting your precious neurones, I am chained to my computer and staring in shock at the amount of horrid WORK that needs doing in my poor, neglected orifice.

My brians feel like they might shut down at any moment.

But I am contriving a few cunning updates in my mind, as I can't wait to tell you all about catching up with my family, old and new friends in NZ and Melbourne, and our exotic stay in Hong Kong, including:

- an astonishing hotel room upgrade from budget hovel to luxury penthouse suite!
- a hilarious "eyelash extension" débâcle in a beauty salon!
- freshly squeezed guava juice and dainty club sandwiches in a very classy bar!
- post retail therapy burnout traumatic syndrome!
- a perfect flight back to France sadly spoiled by an abandoned suitcase explosion lockdown situation (with pix)!

The fun just never ends.

Write to me soon. I've missed you horribly. I bored all my friends to death by telling them how much I missed you and that life without you just wasn't worth living. They had to ply me with good food and drink to try and help me survive.

Dazed love and feeble kisses,



Sunday, July 13, 2008

Forwarding Address

Dear Lovey,

First things first, address at Mother's c/o Ms Mac's Mum, Edinburgh Castle, Edinburgh, Scotland, UK, the world etc...

Don't wear yourself out before you get home. You have far too much to tell me by email before you pass out with exhaustion. That's a shame about Kiwifruit Fee (Hah! I knew it!) but I am pleased that Kate5Kiwis has been keeping you company. I always knew that there was no other blogging soulie out there for you so I certainly haven't been wringing my hands while rocking back and forth as I consult time difference websites and keep track of your every move. Oh and by the way, I have been utterly faithful to you in your absence. I just want you to know that.

Yes, blogging juices have dried up completely. I can't even bring myself to write a quick blurb about that author chappy's book what you done gave me for my birthday. I really should write and let him know that he made me sob hysterically on no less than four occasions!

The boys have finally broken up for the school hols and in just less than one week I shall be sipping tea with my mother and gossiping about the neighbours discussing fine art and literature. Poor old Mr Mac and Patrick how will they survive without my sunny disposition for two whole weeks? I don't care actually. I'll be too busy eating my body weight Indian food and Scotch Eggs to be worried about them at all, much.

Try not to squish your dear nephew while you make up for 11 months of missed cuddles- Uncle Turkey Brains might not forgive you for squishing his hair-appearances.

I wait patiently on your next missive, far away one. Until then, quisses,


ps. *whines* When are you coming home?

Saturday? Sunday? update

Dearest Ms. Mac,

Apparently my absence has dried up your blogging juices. Rendered you incapable of keeping the blogging fires going. Are you a dried up husk of your former self? Dear oh dear...

Having a fantastico time. Wish you were here. Weather hot and sunny in Wellington today! The fun just doesn't stop. Far too tired to sit down and write about it.

However, I have actually WRITTEN YOU A POSTCARD (with actual pen and paper! I know!) so please send me your Scottish postal address because you'll be leaving soon and I don't want it to languish in the bowels of the Swiss postal system for 2 weeks or more.

Had a whirlwind trip Up North but sadly Kiwifruit Fi (Fee, not Fie as I like to say) had to pull out (ooh er missus!) at the last minute, leaving me crushed and broken-hearted. Once again I come crawling back to you with me tail between me legs begging forgiveness for ever having had the cheek to try out a potential new Soulie. Mind you, Kate5Kiwis (she who makes my gorgeous necklaces) welcomed me to her House of Iniquity for the day and she was amazingly funny and lovely, a blonde version of you in fact. So it was touch and go there for a minute! I trust you have been faithful to me though.

Flew back late from Auckland last night and have spent the day at my brother's place to celebrate niece's 5th birthday. Had massive and prolonged cuddles with young nephew, who is now 11 months old: Total. Bliss.

Strangely am a bit worn out from all the fun and shopping and movies and restaurants. It's hard work being on hols and not having a daily routine. A bit discombobulating ....

Muchos besos and lurve from your absent Soulie